A Pastor was tired of listening to the same old excuses from
people who don't attend church.
So.........He wrote the following titled:"TEN REASONS WHY I NEVER WASH"
I was made to wash as a child.
People who wash are hypocrites.
They reckon they are cleaner then other people.
There are so many different kinds of soap,
I could never decide which one was right.
I used to wash, but it got boring, so I stopped.
I still wash on special occasions,
like Easter and Christmas.
None of my friends wash.
I'm still young. When I'm older and have got
dirtier I might start washing.
I really don't have time.
The bathroom is never warm enough.
People who make soap are only after your money.
(taken from the book, "Holy Humor.")
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JUST A NOTE TO SAY I'M LIVING
Just a note to say I'm living,
that I'm not among the dead.
Though I'm getting more forgetful
and mixed up in the head.
I got used to my arthritis,
to my dentures I'm resigned.
I can manage my bifocals,
but oh I sure miss my mind!
For sometimes I can't remember, when I stand
at the foot of the stairs.....
If I must go up for something, or have
just come down from there?
And before the fridge so often, my poor mind
is filled with doubt.
Have I just put food away, or have
I come to take some out??
So if it's my turn to write you
there's no need for getting sore;
I may think that I have written and
don't want to be a bore.
Just remember that I love you
and wish that you were near.
Now it's nearly mail time
so I must say goodbye, my dear.
Here I stand beside the mailbox
with a face so very red!!
(author unknown)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
People want the front of the bus,
back of the church
and center of attention.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Somebody once figured out that we have
35 million or more laws trying to
enforce the 10 commandments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is the story of a person who got up one Sunday
and announced to the congregation:
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our
new building program.
The bad news is, it is still out there in your pockets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question.
"Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air.
"He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? how do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an
Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense
of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was:
a hand printed sign...
energy efficient vehicle
Runs on oats and grass
Caution: do not step in exhaust.
